so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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