I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i now understand why vodka
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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