My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
