new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
