How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
