i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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