At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
