ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
