Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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