She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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