I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
