I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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