I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
