Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
