my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
