I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
