Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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