What did we do last night that was yellow?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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