textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
you had me at cake vodka
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
