well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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