I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize