So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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