They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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