Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
