best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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