I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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