I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
