nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
