i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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