the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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