The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize