dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
