you guys were way drunker than both of me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
