someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pop tarts are not kleenex
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
