When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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