Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
