Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found your dick twin last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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