there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
