dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize