I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
