Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
