Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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