dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i dont even know how to be here
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
