He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
