I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize