Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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