God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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