So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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