Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
