Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
i need some magic done to my vagina
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
