She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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