so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
