Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
