He uses pillows to masturbate.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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