Please, let me fuck your mom
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
