Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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