he thought i was a dude.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I just found a bag of teeth...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
