I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
