So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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