hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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