His hands were made for my vagina.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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