Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
