Apparently you make a good broom.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
