I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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