Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
